


Shits’n’giggles

by Themostannoyingthingever



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Multi, Voilence, i spelled violence wrong whoops, idk what to write, smut????, ummm - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 07:19:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16081211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themostannoyingthingever/pseuds/Themostannoyingthingever
Summary: Every chapter it’s a new theme. Honestly just shits and giggles like I’m just writing whatever’s random thought pop up.Enjoy!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rook gets chased into a cabin with Joseph. And braids his haiiirrrr

Rook was racing through the woods, the darkness eating up the edges of her vision. Rook couldn’t tell where she was, she never traveled this far into the woods and she certainly didn’t memorized them.

Each tree seemed like the last. Her heart pounding in her ears, she could barely hear her thoughts through the noise. Rook looked back swiftly and seeing the  **literal** spawn of Satan chasing her with so much stamina made her life flash before her eyes.

It was a wolverine. But not to Rook, oh no, that small fluffy cute little thing was like the predator to Rooks eyes. Ever since she got to Hope County they’ve been on her ass. Which is why she doesn’t know the woods at all, whenever she tries and go out and explore the land she’s been working her ass to liberate, those fuckers always find her. 

“I WOULD RATHER HAVE A  **FUCKING** BEAR.” Her screams echoed through the woods. Rook continued to run, not caring if the little devil was still chasing her. Rook needs to get in any form of shelter and hide from this demon behind her.

Thats when the cabin pulled up. Small, one story with minimal windows and a chimney.

” That outta fucking do.” Rook murmured to herself. Body slamming the door open and locking it behind her.

Two breaths, she got two steady breaths out of her lungs when she turned around and realized she wasn’t alone. Joseph’s back was turned to her and he seemed pretty unaware of her existence which was impossible considering the loud noises she just made. The fire was lit and he was sitting on the couch, coffee mug in hand. Rook tried to analyze the situation as best as she can, she started off in the mountains, saw the wolverine and ran for her life. Rook then ran over a train bridge and through some forests.

The mental map of Hope County in her head was shit. Rook didn’t know West from south without the help of a GPS, she was a cop not a goddamn survivalists. 

Rooks hand left the doorknob and gripped her .44 magnum, her other moved the hair out of her face and behind her ear. She took two steps to her right and winced when she hit a table. There goes the element of surprise.

” Hey motherfucker.” Rook cursed herself, her voice was hoarse, dry and cracked around the motherfucker part, she sounded weak and Rook needed to appear strong. But she didn’t aim her gun, she viciously gripped onto it.

 “Language, my child.”He set the coffee mug on the floor but didn’t move, just stood there...watching the fire, like the goddamn creep he is.

Rooks face twisted, her brows furrowed together. She felt disgusting covered in sweat, and when she cleared her throat it felt like she’s practically ripped it out.

” Thought we were past the whole ‘child’ thing dude, you ain’t my daddy and I’m sure as hell not you kid.” Ohhh, Rook usually treated situations like this with humor and  _alot_ of cursing, like that time she got captured by Jacob himself and the whole ride back to the cozy little cage  she so  _dearly_ **loved** , Rook cursed him out like a fucking drunk getting kicked out of the bar. Rook called him all sorts of things. Her personal favorite insult being,

‘listen you ginger giant fuck, if you play that god forsaken love song for me one more time, I will tear your strawberry shortcake ass a new hole.’

Man those were good times.

Rook stiffened at Joseph’s response, “With given time, you will see differently.” He didn’t move, she didn’t move. They were both frozen in place.

 “What the fu-“ 

“-language.” He cut her off abruptly. His voice was stern and Rook began to frown. She couldn’t go outside, she couldn’t stay here. What the hell can she do? She couldn’t even curse. Humor it was.

” The wolverine chase you in here too?” Rook began, slowly taking steps towards the couch. She looked in the mug and found tea. Of course he drank tea. Rook shook her head and sighed deeply, too deeply, because that caused concern to grow inside the man sitting in front of her.

” No. this my cabin, did it chase you in here. Sit. Rest.” The expression on his face said ‘worried like you just caught the cold’ but his tone was more like, ‘worried like your a 10 year old and I’m your mother and you come back with a black eye’. Well Rook was 27 and the wolverine didn’t beat her up. Joseph rose and cupped her face only to be meet with her waving them away, “Im fine jeez, don’t get all motherly on me.”

Joseph frowned and retreated his hands. He instead decided to go to the kitchen and began to open every cabinet and the fridge in search of something. Rook followed after him and completely ignored the fact she just put her gun in its holster with the safety on. Maybe her subconscious thought just because he was smaller than his brothers that if he tried anything, she could handle it. 

“What are you doing,” a thought popped in Rooks head, and she giggled, “ looking for your sanity?” Her giggle turned into laughter when she saw him turn around displeased with the comment. “Oh sorry, didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, should I call the WAAMBULANCE?” Now she was hunched over the counter holdling her gut, Rook found this too funny.

Joseph just kept searching when he pulled something out of a cabinet, a smile plastered on his face. It was a bag of grapes, he turned on the facet and washed them quickly.

” I’m glad you’re finding this amusing Deputy, I don’t want you to be afraid of me or my bro-“

“Okay, Listen douche, the only reason I’m here is because my ass got chased by a wolverine through the woods. I’m not here to be buddies with ya’ and if you, so help me if you try anything _fresh_ with me, I’ll murder you.” Rook paced over to where he was standing and grabbed the grape seed out of his hands, She turned on her heels and booked it to the couch where she sprawled out. Joseph was merely unfazed by all of this.

Joseph walked over and sat next to her, he had minimal space considering Rook decided go full starfish. He took a sip of his coffee and paused,

Rooks hands were playing with his hair.

” Deputy, I thought you said you’d prefer not to be ‘ buddies’ with me.” He smiled but didn’t move to show her how he felt about her hands being knuckles deep in his man bun. It was very....relaxing for him, sure he had Faith play with his hair some times but knowing that the Junior Deputy of Hope County was untying his man bun made him feel warm. Rook was the most dangerous  _woman_ in Hope County, she was skilled in many various ways of killing people but she was just a woman.

She had plum lips and green eyes, eyes he could stare in all day. The first time he saw them, he could see hell. Every tortured soul being skinned and burnt, all that suffering in those amazing green eyes. She had curves at her waist and hips but muscles in her thighs and arms. Joseph remembers Faith making a comment on how Rook kinda looked like a slightly down-graded, murderous, foul mouthed Wonder Woman. Rook did look li-

“Oh. My. God. Joseph Seed, you have a bold spot under the man bun, this is the greatest day of my life.” Rook cut his thoughts off, he winced when her voices cut through and her fingers retreated from husband head and into the grapes. She was laughing all the while attempting to stuff grapes down her throat. 

“I’m old Deputy. I’m aging like any other human, my baldness reminds me of myself mortality and humanity.” He seemed unfazed by her laughter but he was blushing. 

Rooks laughter stopped and she looked at him, they made eye contact and she smiled. Rook softly punched him in the arm and began talking, he voice slightly above a whisper.

” Take it as a compliment old man, you don’t look a day over 30. Now turn around I wanna do a braid.” Joseph smiled back and drinking as she’s asked. His muscles relaxed when her fingers began working through his hair, he inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. Joseph was truly enjoying this moment of calmness between them. No fighting, no death, like gods plan.

All because of a wolverine. 

“Do you think the wolverines gone?” His eyes opened quickly when she whispered in his ear. Her face was so close to his, he only saw her be this soft and kind to her friends, he never envied them. Joseph long forgot about friendships, he had a job to do and his families company was enough for him. 

But when he felt her, really felt her, her breast gazing his back and her lips lingering near his ear, it made him wonder how he could have possibly saw hell in those beautiful green eyes. Rook was being kind and gentle towards him Despite him being her ‘enemy’. Braiding his hair and complementing him, she couldn’t be evil.

She could be the devil but yet again, the devils still an angel and Rook definitely did look angeli-

“Hey padre, I’m leaving. The wolverines gone and I got shit to blow up...so peace.” Rook once again snapped him back to reality, she held a fist in the air. Joseph stared at it until he looked at her face, her eyebrows were furrowed and her eyes were wide. “It’s a fist bump not a bomb.” Rook explained slowly.

Joseph’s hand gripped into a fist and bumped against hers, smiling when Rook made an explosion noise and opened her fist. 

“I’ll see you soon, Deputy.” She turned around and walked around the couch. Joseph heard the door open and close and exhaled. 

But alas, they were on opposite sides. And the Devil must die. Even if Joseph doesn’t want her to, she must.

 

 

* * *

 


	2. Duke the dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rook made a new friend, well she thinks it a friend but the friend in question would totally rip her arm off.

Rook was all alone, even though she was surrounded by people. She was in the veterans center and in her usual cage. To her right was a woman crying to herself, babbling about being sorry, and to her left was a judge-to-be. It was up to Rooks knees and had dark brown fur, and very feisty. Every hour or so the only sounds except for crying and a begging from her neighbors, would be the sounds of the judge howling and a guard yelling at him to shut up.

Rook hadn’t seen Jacob in a week, he brought food and since then,that was the only food she got. She was starving and delusional, so when she started to think of names for the judge,it didn’t concern her.

She just needed someone. Anyone.

“Duke.” Rook hoarsely spoke to herself, her throat cursing her. She needed water badly. She needed to get out of here but she doesn’t know how and even if she manages to get out, it’s a matter of time before she ends up back in this cage all over again.

Duke was sleeping. At least it looked like it. Rook just stared and stared and stared, looking at his fur and going so far as to watch him breath. Slowly, his chest would rise up and down, he was peacefull. Rooks didn’t envy that, she felt happy for him. 

A day after naming him, Jacob showed up. He walked slowly towards the Deputy, intentionally, he held a bowl of food and a bottle of water one both hands and he slowly made his way towards her. “Hey pup, ya’ hungry? Maybe a lil thirsty?” He stopped a few feet away from the cage cell.

Rook stayed there, not moving. Finally she stood and walked over towards the cell. When she saw what was in the bowl, she began to drool. She placed both her hands on the cell bars and straightened herself.

“You poison it?” She coughed shortly after saying that, and it made Jacob laugh. Deep and short, more of a chuckle.

“You wanna take your chances? Test your luck? Nah pup I wouldn’t wanna put you down when you’ve been such a good soldier,” Rooks eyes narrowed, her face showed pure confusion, “as good as you can be anyways.”

When she first got here she choked the guy next to her cell after he tried and grope her, which made the woman cry, and then duke began howling. When the guards came over and saw the crime scene, they stupidly got to close to Rooks cage and she ended up choking one of the guards. Which is also why she didn’t eat until now.

Jacob offered the food first. Rook hesitantly grabbed the bowl, then snatched it out of his hands and began to eat like nothing else mattered, until he offered the water and then she chugged it down like nothing else mattered.

When she was finished, she half expected for him to leave. Stupid. He wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t get something out of it. But minutes passed and he just stood there, staring at her.

“I made a new friend.” Rook began, wincing at how her throat felt. Jacobs eyes narrowed and Rook took that as a sign to continue.

“Duke,” Rook pointed towards the sleeping dog, “we’re best buddies now.” Jacob hummed at the word ‘buddy’ he turned his head to look at duke and gave him a small nod.

“He’s too small, he won’t last a week out there.” He shifted his gaze back towards the Deputy.

“Jacob Seed, that is my friend and i swear to gid if you do anything to him I’ll-“

“You’ll what? Kill me? Cull the herd? lil pup you-“

“I’ll fucking destroy every wolf beacon in the mountains, old man.” Rook cut him off and sent a glare at him. Jacob hand shot into the cage and gripped at Rook shirt, forcing her to look up at him.

“Maybe he’s strong, maybe he’ll last out there. Who knows, maybe he’ll outlive my other judges, gotta wait and see. But if he’s a waste of time I’ll-“ 

“You’ll cull the herd.” Rook yet again interrupted him.

Jacob let go of her shirt and watch her stumble backwards, searching for her balance. Then he watch her stand up straight and slowly pry her eyes from his and stare at Duke. Maybe that dog at potential, who knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far I wonder if you caught the subtle foreshadowing.


End file.
